I ♥ Mae West

Podia ter apenas 1,52 m de altura (como acabo de descobrir, quase chocada), mas era larger than life.

A carreira no cinema começou invulgarmente tarde, numa época em que as carreiras, principalmente as femininas, começavam e acabavam muito cedo — a incomparável Greta Garbo, por exemplo, retirou-se com apenas 36 anos. Mae West (nascida em 1893) tinha 39 anos quando fez o seu primeiro filme, e a imagem acima, dos seus tempos mais gloriosos, é de 1936.

Devo dizer, para grande vergonha minha e para mostrar como se pode ser parvinho quando se é muito novo, que a detestei ao princípio, lá pelos meus 13 anos — a televisão deu em passar muitos dos seus filmes nas tardes de domingo, e eu dei em achá-la reles, ordinária, e detestava-lhe a voz. A coisa foi agravada por um artigo sobre ela numa qualquer revista de televisão da época, que mostrava fotografias de Mae West no então presente, já com 80 anos. A somar-se ao resto, achei-a uma velha ridícula e desavergonhada.

Teriam de passar mais alguns anos, e vários ciclos especiais de cinema na Gulbenkian e na Cinemateca, para que eu, já na casa dos vinte, me rendesse à grandeza desta mulher única. Há pelo menos uns 14 anos que criei no computador um documento em que fui arquivando as suas frases mais memoráveis.

Como o documento tem quatro páginas, deixo-vos as que tenho assinaladas como grandes favoritas, apenas metade.

Marriage is a great institution. I'm not ready for an institution yet.

– Goodness, what lovely diamonds.

– Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie.

No gold-digging for me... I take diamonds! We may be off the gold standard someday.

I'm no angel, but I've spread my wings a bit.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

– I can always tell a lady when I see one.

–Yeah? What do you tell 'em?

Give a man a free hand and he'll try to put it all over you.

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.

Any time you got nothing to do and lots of time to do it come on up.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I'd have to give it up.

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Women with "pasts" interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

The curve is more powerful than the sword.

I didn't discover curves; I only uncovered them.

When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.

When a girl goes bad – men go right after her.

A woman in love can't be reasonable – or she probably wouldn't be in love.

You can do what you want, but saving love doesn't bring any interest.

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

Brains are an asset to the woman in love who's smart enough to hide 'em.

Look your best – who said love is blind?

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

The best way to behave is to misbehave.

I'm single because I was born that way.

Don't come crawlin' to a man for love – he likes to get a run for his money.

Don't cry for a man who's left you – the next one may fall for your smile.

Don't keep a man guessing too long – he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.

Don't ever make the same mistake twice, unless it pays.

– I'd give half my life for just one kiss.

– Then kiss me twice.

– Oh, Miss West, I've heard so much about you.

– Yeah, honey, but you can't prove a thing.

Never ask a man where's he's been. If he's out on legitimate business, he doesn't need an alibi. And, girls, if he has been out on illegitimate business, it's your own fault.

– What kind of man is most satisfactory?

– Personally, I like two types of men – domestic and foreign.

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn't.